AN EQUAL MEASURE
The great Isaac Newton once said “Every action has an equal & opposite reaction”. It applies to life as much as it applies to science. There are many fascinating stories that I have seen aboard the Nilgiri Express. One of the most fascinating is the ‘beggar’ story. Very often we never realize the value of something until we lose it. Mother’s cooking never tastes delicious until you eat outside. That dress never looked good enough until you lose it. The grass is greener on the other side until you have no grass on you side.
‘The beggar’ story is on similar lines. I could call it by many names - “The Auto Story”, “The Old man’s Story”, “Father and son”. But I prefer ‘The Beggar Story’ because I saw a man not only poor in money but also in heart. A man who never realized the value of what he had till he lost it. This is his story.
I was seated in the S1 compartment. I had arrived early, a rarity for me. I was looking for someone to talk to. But there was no one. All that I could see was a beggar at the end of the compartment.
He looked dirty and haggard. He had a long beard, uncut for more than a month. His hair moved wildly in the breeze. It was full of dirt. His dress was in tatters. It had more holes than pockets. He had lost his right leg and left hand. He was seated on the ground. He dragged himself step by step with his hand.
He fascinated me because he could not have become a beggar overnight. Within him there was a unique story, which the world had never heard before. I wanted to bring that story to light.
I approached the beggar. The nearer I went to him, the more the stench from his body engulfed me.
“Sir, pichha podunga”, he said in Tamil. It translated into “Give me alms”.
His shriveled body indicated that he had not eaten a good meal for months together. And I knew that the way to a man’s heart is through his mouth.
“Would you like some food?”
He was desperate for food. I bought him a packet of chicken biriyani and curd rice. It did not satisfy his appetite. I bought him a packet of dosa and idli. He seemed reasonably satisfied at his good luck.
“Look how ugly you have become”, I told him. He was embarrassed when I said that.
“It happened within the last three months. I was once a handsome young man”, he said.
I immediately sensed that he was opening up. I could see the contours of a story developing.
“We shall bring that handsome young man out.”
I gave him a clean shave. Considering the amount of hair on his cheeks, that was no small task. I trimmed his overgrown hair. I massaged his hair with shampoo until it was bright. I gave him a pair of my clothes. Luckily, they fitted him perfectly. I washed his face and applied my best perfume on him.
The beggar was transformed. He was a smart, young man again.
“See, this who you can be,” I said.
“This was who I was when dad was around. And I had two legs ...” He mentally broke down when he said this. I sensed that he was reliving old memories.
“Cry, your heart out. Pour out your emotions. They have been trapped within you for too long,” I said.
Everyone has to let out his emotions at some point. Otherwise he decays with them.
“But I deserve this. I have been a mean young man. After what I did to my father. I deserve this...” He went into another burst of tears. It seemed like the monsoon rains coming in spurts but coming down hard.
“Don’t you want to tell me you story.”
The Beggar nodded.
“I wasn’t always a beggar. But then again who is. We all have past which determines the present. I was the son of a carpenter.”
The beggar’s name was Satheesh. His mother died when he was two. His father was a carpenter by trade. His name was Kaushik. Though a skilful carpenter, he made barely enough to make ends meet. However, he was not short on showering love and care to Satheesh. He made him the most wonderful wooden toys. There were wooden boats to set on water, wooden dolls to put on display, wooden bat and ball to play cricket with.
Even though he had limited means, Kaushik was determined to give his son a good education. He preferred a private school to a cheaper government school. It was the biggest mistake he could have made. I am a great believer in living by one’s means. You should live based on your income. A half full glass is half full. Period. Not completely full, not completely empty. That is being realistic. Kaushik wasn’t realistic. He worked overtime and borrowed hefty loans to pay his son’s school fees. As great as the debt was, there was an even heavier price he had to pay for his folly. A price he never anticipated.
The cream of the upper middle class society thronged to the private school. They came in their swanky cars. They had well-to-do parents who were either professionals or businessmen. Satheesh was attracted to their lifestyle like a magnet. He wanted to live like them. They seed of desire was planted in his heart.
As the desire to become rich grew, Satheesh associated himself more and more with the upper middle class students. He went out for movies with them. He went for lunches and dinners with them. They were more the happy to sponsor his expenses. He was a part of the crowd. All the fun came at a cost-Satheesh’s studies.
“Friends are like flowers. Nice to see and pleasant to smell. But one day they will fade away. All these friends will leave you. They have a different background. Your background as different. Only education will take our family forward. So, forget these friends. Focus on your studies. Study well,” warned Kaushik.
“Dad, don’t be pessimistic. I will not be like you. I will live like one of my friends. One day I will become a rich businessman. I guarantee that you will live to see that day,” retorted Satheesh.
Such arguments were common within the family. They went through this ritual every day. Kaushik had invested in his son and could not been bare to see his wayward lifestyle. Satheesh did not have the maturity to take need of his father’s warnings.
The twelfth standard board exams arrived. Despite his father’s constant badgering, Satheesh was under prepared his exams. He had spent the entire year going out with friends. He called it networking for the business empire he was going to create.
The first exam was mathematics. Satheesh was clueless about the exam. He wasn’t even sure how many chapters were there for the exam. He knew that it was too late to study. So, he turned to the gods. He slept with the Bhagvad Gita under his pillow. He woke up at 5 in the morning. He prayed to the gods for three hours. He prayed for a miracle. He prayed to pass.
“Daddy, bless me,” said Satheesh before leaving the house.
“Satheesh, my best wishes are with you. But you have not studied anything. How can you hope to pass,” said Kaushik. The prescience of his remarks was experienced with two month’s time. Satheesh failed in all his subjects.
Under such circumstances, it would be normal for a father to be fuming. Here it was the reverse. Satheesh believed that his father was the cause of his failure.
“Father, it is because of you that I failed. Always pessimistic. Not one good word when I left the house for each exam. Every time, you will fail, you will fail. After hearing that, how can a son write his exam in peace? Your words have made me fail the exams,” said a disgruntled Satheesh.
“Satheesh, I had no intention to harm you. The truth is you did not study for any exam. Realistically, how can you pass without studying? I was only expressing an honest opinion.”
“Who cares about your nonesty”
“Past is past. This is a lesson for you. Study hard this year. You can take up these exams next year.”
“I am not going to study any more.”
“What! why? I have taken loans for your studies”
“That is not my problem. I never asked you to take loans. I have decided. I will not study any more.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I want time to decide. Please leave me alone for a few days.”
The few days turned into a few months. Satheesh did nothing during this time. He ate and slept.
"Satheesh, you cannot go on like this," said Kaushik, one fine day. He could not see anymore of an idle Satheesh.
"It is time to turn over a new leaf. It is time to move on. Come with me. I shall teach you carpentry. Learn the art and you will have a profession for life."
"I don't want to be a carpenter," started Satheesh.
"Carpentry is a great art. I will teach you. You will become a great carpenter."
"I did not study so much to become a stupid carpenter,” thundered Satheesh out of irritation.
"What is there to get angry. We all need to feed our family. I am giving you a way to do so," said Kaushik. He was cool as a cucumber. Nothing ever flustered him.
"I will not become a loser like you. I want to be a rich and famous. I want to be a big businessman. I have my friends. They will help me. I will start a business with them. One day I will be successful."
"Son, dreams are nice. I have already told you that our background is different. We must lie within our limits. Business is for the rich. Carpentry is for us. No friend will take care of you. They will take care of themselves. Only you can take care of yourself. You are really angry now. I will leave a chisel and hammer in your room. Sleep well. Bring them with you when we setout for work tomorrow."
The next morning, Kaushik found a broken chisel and hammer on the floor. The bird had flown away. Satheesh has left the house without even a note to indicate where he had gone.
Satheesh returned home within four months. He did not want to talk about his experiences. Business had failed and his friends had deserted him. As Kaushik had warned. But, according to Satheesh, it was because of Kaushik's negativity that he had failed.
"You cursed me. And your curse came true," he told his father.
Satheesh was willing to take up any profession other then carpentry. Carpentry represented everything he never wanted to be. But he had resigned to the fact business was not for him.
Kaushik invested in his son once again. He used his savings to buy Satheesh an auto-rickshaw.
"You want to be a businessman. This auto is your gateway. If you do well, you will make enough money to support your family. Never think that you are an ordinary auto driver. Every profession is as special as you make it to be," advised Kaushik to his son.
Satheesh and Kaushik took the the auto to a temple. They did a pooja for the auto. Kaushik gave Satheesh the key and said, "This is your first day, drive slow. The roads are narrow and the traffic is huge. Don't end up in an accident."
"Daddy, don't be negative atleast for one day. Atleast one positive remark," said Satheesh.
Satheesh desperately wanted to get through the day unscathed . He knew the power of his father's remarks and wanted to prove him wrong atleast once.
He drove his auto extremely slowly.
He stayed below 30 Kmph. He drove it to the most deserted corners of the city. He ensured that he avoided the city traffic.
The time had reached evening 4 o' clock. By now he was confident about his auto and his abilities as a driver. He was bored about driving the vehicle so slowly. He wanted some fun.
"A ship in the harbour is safe, but it is not what ships are meant for," he told himself.
He took the auto for a spin. He accelerated from 30 kmph to 60 kmph. No problem. The vehicle responded beautifully. He took the vehicle out to a busier part of the city. Absolutely, no problem. He was having so much fun that he did not stop the auto when prospective customers waved out for him.
He decided to take the vehicle to the busiest part of the city-T Nagar. He took the left turn into the main road heading into T-Nagar. He failed to see the white ambassador heading in the opposite direction. He swiveled the auto to avoid the car. The auto lost balance and fell on its side. Sathesh was catapulted to the ground. Luckily he escaped with a few minor bruises.
Satheesh had a huge argument with his father that night.
"Atleast once you could have said something positive. Every time you have to say something negative. Now, are you happy?"
"Satheesh, I only wanted to warn you. I said it for your own good."
Satheesh would not listen to his father's words. In his mind, a strong thought had been formed. His father was an eternal cynic. Everything he said came true. Ultimately, more then any other reason, it was this thought that destroyed Satheesh.
Three years rolled on. Satheesh settled into his career as an auto driver. He made enough money to eat three meals a day. Kaushik became extremely weak in these three years. The years of moulding wood into furniture got to him. His hands and legs gave up on him. He found it hard to move around the house. He increasingly became dependent on Satheesh for his living. The relationship between father and son deteriorated. They lived isolated under the same roof. Satheesh did not encourage any attempts Kaushik made to converse with him. Satheesh considered his father as the cause of all his misery. The negativity in his father was the sole reason he had failed to realise his dreams.
Something else happened in the three years. Something magical in Satheesh's life. He had fallen in love with a girl named Geetha. The whole affair had started innocently enough. I describe the affair through Satheesh’s own words.
“I was taking Geetha to Govt Arts college in my auto. She was nothing more than another customer on a busy day. I didn't even know her name. She had come aboard at Mandaveli bus stand and wanted to go to her college in Thambaram. She was in a hurry because it was exam day.
She was completely immersed in her books. Either she was totally unprepared for the exam or completely prepared. She rhythmically chanted the subject matter in her book. Her words had a beautiful tone to it.”
" Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium valency 2+
Calcium valency 2+
Calcium valency 2+ "
“She wasn't the most beautiful looking women. She did not have the most wonderful voice in the world. But I was mesmerized by the rhythmic chant that exuded from her. Perhaps it was the innocence in her words. Mugging up the portions at the last minute like a school-girl. Perhaps it was because she was doing what I never managed to do - study in college. Whatever it was I was lost in her chanting.
I dropped her in college. Lost in her chant, I forgot to ask for money. Lost her in books, she forgot to pay me any money. It was only when I was back in Mandaveli bus stand that I realized I did not receive any money from her. I had no idea as to how I came to Mandaveli from Tambaram. I was driving sub consciously because my mind was full of her rhythmic chant.
A few days later, I saw her again at Mandaveli Bus Stop. I was hoping that she wanted an auto. I wanted her to wave out for me. I rode the auto slowly waiting for that magical wave of the hand.
“If she waves at me then truly there is something between us,” I thought.
She waved. Slowly, at first. Followed by a furious wave off her hand.
I was absolutely delighted. The kind of joy you see on a small child’s face. Innocent and playful. I had no doubt that there was something between us.
That was till I saw a motorbike overtake me. She smiled at the boy in the motorbike. She got onto the bike and off they went. My auto came to a stand still.
The next time I saw her, she did get into my auto. She offered to pay me double the amount to compensate for the one time she did not pay me. I refused to accept the money this time.
“Would you take money from your wife,” I thought. I had fallen in love.
She was a B.Sc. chemistry student in her first year. She was a school topper. She had preferred core science to engineering because she wanted to be a scientist. She was smart, intelligent and believed that education was the way to success. We were complete opposites but we were made for each other.
In time, she accepted my love. Lovers have many types of symbols for love. The auto became our love symbol. It had brought us together and it took us around to the romantic spots in Chennai.
We had been dating for a year. I had not told my father about our affair. I was scared that he could say something negative about our love. Due to that, the next day our affair would end. It had been the story of my life so far. He said I will fail and I failed. He said my friends will desert me and they did. He said I will have an accident and I did. I did not want to take any chances with love.
Matters had gotten a little more complicated a week ago. Geetha and I had mutually decided to get married. She had a year to go on her studies. As an auto driver, I could support her during that time. After she graduated, she would find work. We could start a family and live happily.
There was one small problem in the plan. My father. He was the cause of my misery. I was sure that if I could get rid off him I could do wonders. He was like an imaginary tree blocking the road. If I could remove the road block, then the road was mine. Anyway, the house was too small for Geetha and my father. Someone had to leave and it wasn’t going to be Geetha.
Once I had decided to get rid of the old man, I had to work out the logistics. I did not want to kill him or do anything criminal. I wanted to slowly move him out of my life like removing an unwanted piece of furniture. One organization fitted in nicely with the plan - The Little Sisters of the Poor.
It was a lovely summer morning in Chennai. The sun was bright and the sky was the perfect blue. It was the day when I was to execute my plan.
I woke up my father with bed coffee. I had never done that in years. He was happy to have my coffee though it must have tasted terrible.
I took him to the bathroom and waited for him to complete his bath. I dressed him up in his finest. I combed his hair and powdered his face.
He had tears rolling down his checks. “I couldn’t be a happier father,” he said.
“You have been locked at home for too long. I want to take you out to a special place. Do you want to come with me?”
He nodded in excitement. I firmly believed at that moment that the human life cycle is a circle. We begin as a child, become a man and end as a child. In my father I saw the same sparkle you see in a child when you take them outdoors. I took him around Chennai. He recollected his favourite spots from his younger days. I took him to his favourite south Indian restaurant for lunch. He enjoyed every morsel of his food.
In the evening, I took him to the home of the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’. It was the final piece in my plan.
I parked the auto outside the gate. I guided my father to the office of the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’.
A middle aged sister was seated in the office home. The tag on her indicated that her name was Nirmala.
“Sister, I want to talk to you”, I said.
“Go on,” she said.
“Can my father be in the adjacent room?”
She acceded in my request. I left my father in the adjacent room because I didn’t want him to listen to our conversation.
“Sister, I need a favour from you. My father has become an old man. I am an auto driver. I work nearly 18 hours every day to earn a living. As a result, I am unable to spend time with my father. My mother died when I was very young. My father is alone with no one to talk to. I can see him slowly fade away. Due to my work, I cannot spend many hours with him. I don’t want to see his life end this way. At this point in his life, he needs people to talk to. If you could keep him here for a few months, it will be great. I think he will enjoy his time with the other inmates. I can visit him on weekends and will do whatever is financially required of me. Once he is better emotionally, I shall take him home. Please sister, let him live his final days happily.”
“This old age home has a total capacity of 80 people. Right now we have 90 people. We are already over loaded”.
“Please sister, please help my father”
I fell on her feet.
“Only you can help me. Please, please,” I pleaded.
“I understand your agony. But we are over loaded. Where will we accommodate your father? We have no beds. We are working on it, though. Come back after a month. I promise you we shall take him then.”
“Sister I don’t know if we will last one month. He desperately needs other people around him.”
“The lord is great. Your father will be fine. He had a good son in you. Take good care of him. Bring him here after a month.”
“Fine, sister. I shall do as you say. Before I leave, I need one more favour. I have parked my auto outside the gate. I shall go and bring it. Till then can my father stay here? I don’t want to strain him unnecessarily.”
Sister Nirmala nodded her head in acceptance.
I sensed my opportunity. I did not want even a second more of my father. He was the old age home’s headache from this point on. It didn’t matter to me that they were overloaded and did not have a bed for my father.
I went to the auto. I did not turn towards the old age home. Instead, I turned to the right and went towards Govt. Arts college. Geetha was waiting for me there. We were to get married the next day.
I was confident that I had turned over a new leaf. Along with my father I had dumped all the bad luck that had followed me. I thought about everything that had gone wrong in my life because of my father. I thought about the kind of success I could achieve in the life ahead. I could buy another auto in the course of time. With further success, I could buy a string of autos. I would start a ‘call auto’ service to compete with the ‘call taxi’ service. My autos would be available on demand and they would be cheaper. I would build huge mansion. I would have a son and a daughter. They would be highly educated. My son would become a successful entrepreneur. My daughter would be happily married. Geetha and I would grow old together.
I was completely lost in my thoughts. Trapped in my imaginary world, I failed to notice the traffic ahead of me. I entered a one-way road to which I had no entry. A city bus headed straight for me. I did not notice it. I had a head-on collision.
I was in a hospital bed for the next two months. It took a month for me to regain consciousness. The first thing I saw was bouquet adjacent to my bed.
“A girl called Geetha gave it,” said the nurse.
A letter was attached to the bouquet.
“You are a good man but I am a practical woman. With your leg gone, I don’t see how you can ride an auto again. I don’t think you can work again. Without work you cannot support yourself. Forget a family. I don’t want me to be an added burden to you. Hence we shall part. Take care of yourself. Geetha.”
I lost my right leg in the accident. I also lost my left hand. A classic case of buy one - take one free. I lost all my father’s savings, a sum of one lakh, paying for the hospital bills. I lost my father to the old age home. I lost my love and my auto was damaged beyond repair. In short, I had lost everything. It was the most devastating accident. And my father had not uttered in word about it.
The truth dawned upon me at that moment. My father wasn’t the cause of all my problems. I was the cause of all my problems. I had failed because I was screwed inside my lead. My father was the reason why there was atleast a little sanity in my life. He was the reason for my respectable living. He was the reason for whatever little success I had in my life.
All my life I had blamed him for the little failures in life. Without him, I had my biggest failure. I wanted him back in my life.
After being discharged from hospital I went to the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’. I wanted to bring my father back. He was my lucky charm. He was the only love in my life. I desperately wanted to see him again. I went inside the office room and met sister Nirmala. She delivered the shocking news.
My father had died two days ago. Until his final breath he had hoped that I would return to see him. But I had deserted him. The sisters had cremated him in the electric crematorium the previous day. They had not even preserved his ashes.
I requested sister Nirmala to take me into the old age home. I was a handicapped man without a penny in hand. I sought refuge in the tender love of the sisters.
“You are a young man with much to live for. You have only lost a leg. Not your heart. Go out and see the world. Come when you have aged. I shall take you with open arms,” said sister Nirmala.
I took my crutches and walked to an auto. I went to my lonely house. I paid whatever money I had to the auto driver. I fell short by 10 rupees. He was kind enough to understand.
I did not have an education. I could not get a desk job. I could have become a carpenter and learnt a skill. I was too arrogant to do that. My auto was destroyed beyond repair. I could not afford another auto. I had no money and work.
As a result, I became a beggar I have been beggar ever since.”
“I met your father a week before he died,” I told Satheesh. He was surprised to hear the news.
“How do you know about him?”
“I usually visit the old age home every month. The sisters told me about your father. I met him.”
“How was he? Did he speak about me?” Satheesh’s voice rose.
“He was weak. He spoke only about you. He repeatedly said that his son had gone to bring the auto. He will be back any time soon.”
“And I never came back. I ditched him” Satheesh’s voice dropped and he frowned.
“I made a promise to your father that day. I said that if I find you I would bring you back to him. Today, he is no more. I shall do the next best thing. Do you want a job?’
“Yes, of course”, said Satheesh, his face brightening up.
“Make, no mistake. I am doing this for your father. I am a writer. I need an assistant to handle my phone calls and do research work for my novels. From today, you shall be my assistant. I shall pay you a starting salary of Rs.4,000 per month. Happy?”
Satheesh closed his eyes and folded his arms. He tilted his head to the heavens and sent a prayer upward.
“Father, I never realized your worth when you lived. But even after you died, you continue to help me from the heavens. I have never thanked you. I know you can hear me from the heaven. Thank you for everything. May you always rest in peace,” said Satheesh.
I added “Amen”.
‘The beggar’ story is on similar lines. I could call it by many names - “The Auto Story”, “The Old man’s Story”, “Father and son”. But I prefer ‘The Beggar Story’ because I saw a man not only poor in money but also in heart. A man who never realized the value of what he had till he lost it. This is his story.
I was seated in the S1 compartment. I had arrived early, a rarity for me. I was looking for someone to talk to. But there was no one. All that I could see was a beggar at the end of the compartment.
He looked dirty and haggard. He had a long beard, uncut for more than a month. His hair moved wildly in the breeze. It was full of dirt. His dress was in tatters. It had more holes than pockets. He had lost his right leg and left hand. He was seated on the ground. He dragged himself step by step with his hand.
He fascinated me because he could not have become a beggar overnight. Within him there was a unique story, which the world had never heard before. I wanted to bring that story to light.
I approached the beggar. The nearer I went to him, the more the stench from his body engulfed me.
“Sir, pichha podunga”, he said in Tamil. It translated into “Give me alms”.
His shriveled body indicated that he had not eaten a good meal for months together. And I knew that the way to a man’s heart is through his mouth.
“Would you like some food?”
He was desperate for food. I bought him a packet of chicken biriyani and curd rice. It did not satisfy his appetite. I bought him a packet of dosa and idli. He seemed reasonably satisfied at his good luck.
“Look how ugly you have become”, I told him. He was embarrassed when I said that.
“It happened within the last three months. I was once a handsome young man”, he said.
I immediately sensed that he was opening up. I could see the contours of a story developing.
“We shall bring that handsome young man out.”
I gave him a clean shave. Considering the amount of hair on his cheeks, that was no small task. I trimmed his overgrown hair. I massaged his hair with shampoo until it was bright. I gave him a pair of my clothes. Luckily, they fitted him perfectly. I washed his face and applied my best perfume on him.
The beggar was transformed. He was a smart, young man again.
“See, this who you can be,” I said.
“This was who I was when dad was around. And I had two legs ...” He mentally broke down when he said this. I sensed that he was reliving old memories.
“Cry, your heart out. Pour out your emotions. They have been trapped within you for too long,” I said.
Everyone has to let out his emotions at some point. Otherwise he decays with them.
“But I deserve this. I have been a mean young man. After what I did to my father. I deserve this...” He went into another burst of tears. It seemed like the monsoon rains coming in spurts but coming down hard.
“Don’t you want to tell me you story.”
The Beggar nodded.
“I wasn’t always a beggar. But then again who is. We all have past which determines the present. I was the son of a carpenter.”
The beggar’s name was Satheesh. His mother died when he was two. His father was a carpenter by trade. His name was Kaushik. Though a skilful carpenter, he made barely enough to make ends meet. However, he was not short on showering love and care to Satheesh. He made him the most wonderful wooden toys. There were wooden boats to set on water, wooden dolls to put on display, wooden bat and ball to play cricket with.
Even though he had limited means, Kaushik was determined to give his son a good education. He preferred a private school to a cheaper government school. It was the biggest mistake he could have made. I am a great believer in living by one’s means. You should live based on your income. A half full glass is half full. Period. Not completely full, not completely empty. That is being realistic. Kaushik wasn’t realistic. He worked overtime and borrowed hefty loans to pay his son’s school fees. As great as the debt was, there was an even heavier price he had to pay for his folly. A price he never anticipated.
The cream of the upper middle class society thronged to the private school. They came in their swanky cars. They had well-to-do parents who were either professionals or businessmen. Satheesh was attracted to their lifestyle like a magnet. He wanted to live like them. They seed of desire was planted in his heart.
As the desire to become rich grew, Satheesh associated himself more and more with the upper middle class students. He went out for movies with them. He went for lunches and dinners with them. They were more the happy to sponsor his expenses. He was a part of the crowd. All the fun came at a cost-Satheesh’s studies.
“Friends are like flowers. Nice to see and pleasant to smell. But one day they will fade away. All these friends will leave you. They have a different background. Your background as different. Only education will take our family forward. So, forget these friends. Focus on your studies. Study well,” warned Kaushik.
“Dad, don’t be pessimistic. I will not be like you. I will live like one of my friends. One day I will become a rich businessman. I guarantee that you will live to see that day,” retorted Satheesh.
Such arguments were common within the family. They went through this ritual every day. Kaushik had invested in his son and could not been bare to see his wayward lifestyle. Satheesh did not have the maturity to take need of his father’s warnings.
The twelfth standard board exams arrived. Despite his father’s constant badgering, Satheesh was under prepared his exams. He had spent the entire year going out with friends. He called it networking for the business empire he was going to create.
The first exam was mathematics. Satheesh was clueless about the exam. He wasn’t even sure how many chapters were there for the exam. He knew that it was too late to study. So, he turned to the gods. He slept with the Bhagvad Gita under his pillow. He woke up at 5 in the morning. He prayed to the gods for three hours. He prayed for a miracle. He prayed to pass.
“Daddy, bless me,” said Satheesh before leaving the house.
“Satheesh, my best wishes are with you. But you have not studied anything. How can you hope to pass,” said Kaushik. The prescience of his remarks was experienced with two month’s time. Satheesh failed in all his subjects.
Under such circumstances, it would be normal for a father to be fuming. Here it was the reverse. Satheesh believed that his father was the cause of his failure.
“Father, it is because of you that I failed. Always pessimistic. Not one good word when I left the house for each exam. Every time, you will fail, you will fail. After hearing that, how can a son write his exam in peace? Your words have made me fail the exams,” said a disgruntled Satheesh.
“Satheesh, I had no intention to harm you. The truth is you did not study for any exam. Realistically, how can you pass without studying? I was only expressing an honest opinion.”
“Who cares about your nonesty”
“Past is past. This is a lesson for you. Study hard this year. You can take up these exams next year.”
“I am not going to study any more.”
“What! why? I have taken loans for your studies”
“That is not my problem. I never asked you to take loans. I have decided. I will not study any more.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I want time to decide. Please leave me alone for a few days.”
The few days turned into a few months. Satheesh did nothing during this time. He ate and slept.
"Satheesh, you cannot go on like this," said Kaushik, one fine day. He could not see anymore of an idle Satheesh.
"It is time to turn over a new leaf. It is time to move on. Come with me. I shall teach you carpentry. Learn the art and you will have a profession for life."
"I don't want to be a carpenter," started Satheesh.
"Carpentry is a great art. I will teach you. You will become a great carpenter."
"I did not study so much to become a stupid carpenter,” thundered Satheesh out of irritation.
"What is there to get angry. We all need to feed our family. I am giving you a way to do so," said Kaushik. He was cool as a cucumber. Nothing ever flustered him.
"I will not become a loser like you. I want to be a rich and famous. I want to be a big businessman. I have my friends. They will help me. I will start a business with them. One day I will be successful."
"Son, dreams are nice. I have already told you that our background is different. We must lie within our limits. Business is for the rich. Carpentry is for us. No friend will take care of you. They will take care of themselves. Only you can take care of yourself. You are really angry now. I will leave a chisel and hammer in your room. Sleep well. Bring them with you when we setout for work tomorrow."
The next morning, Kaushik found a broken chisel and hammer on the floor. The bird had flown away. Satheesh has left the house without even a note to indicate where he had gone.
Satheesh returned home within four months. He did not want to talk about his experiences. Business had failed and his friends had deserted him. As Kaushik had warned. But, according to Satheesh, it was because of Kaushik's negativity that he had failed.
"You cursed me. And your curse came true," he told his father.
Satheesh was willing to take up any profession other then carpentry. Carpentry represented everything he never wanted to be. But he had resigned to the fact business was not for him.
Kaushik invested in his son once again. He used his savings to buy Satheesh an auto-rickshaw.
"You want to be a businessman. This auto is your gateway. If you do well, you will make enough money to support your family. Never think that you are an ordinary auto driver. Every profession is as special as you make it to be," advised Kaushik to his son.
Satheesh and Kaushik took the the auto to a temple. They did a pooja for the auto. Kaushik gave Satheesh the key and said, "This is your first day, drive slow. The roads are narrow and the traffic is huge. Don't end up in an accident."
"Daddy, don't be negative atleast for one day. Atleast one positive remark," said Satheesh.
Satheesh desperately wanted to get through the day unscathed . He knew the power of his father's remarks and wanted to prove him wrong atleast once.
He drove his auto extremely slowly.
He stayed below 30 Kmph. He drove it to the most deserted corners of the city. He ensured that he avoided the city traffic.
The time had reached evening 4 o' clock. By now he was confident about his auto and his abilities as a driver. He was bored about driving the vehicle so slowly. He wanted some fun.
"A ship in the harbour is safe, but it is not what ships are meant for," he told himself.
He took the auto for a spin. He accelerated from 30 kmph to 60 kmph. No problem. The vehicle responded beautifully. He took the vehicle out to a busier part of the city. Absolutely, no problem. He was having so much fun that he did not stop the auto when prospective customers waved out for him.
He decided to take the vehicle to the busiest part of the city-T Nagar. He took the left turn into the main road heading into T-Nagar. He failed to see the white ambassador heading in the opposite direction. He swiveled the auto to avoid the car. The auto lost balance and fell on its side. Sathesh was catapulted to the ground. Luckily he escaped with a few minor bruises.
Satheesh had a huge argument with his father that night.
"Atleast once you could have said something positive. Every time you have to say something negative. Now, are you happy?"
"Satheesh, I only wanted to warn you. I said it for your own good."
Satheesh would not listen to his father's words. In his mind, a strong thought had been formed. His father was an eternal cynic. Everything he said came true. Ultimately, more then any other reason, it was this thought that destroyed Satheesh.
Three years rolled on. Satheesh settled into his career as an auto driver. He made enough money to eat three meals a day. Kaushik became extremely weak in these three years. The years of moulding wood into furniture got to him. His hands and legs gave up on him. He found it hard to move around the house. He increasingly became dependent on Satheesh for his living. The relationship between father and son deteriorated. They lived isolated under the same roof. Satheesh did not encourage any attempts Kaushik made to converse with him. Satheesh considered his father as the cause of all his misery. The negativity in his father was the sole reason he had failed to realise his dreams.
Something else happened in the three years. Something magical in Satheesh's life. He had fallen in love with a girl named Geetha. The whole affair had started innocently enough. I describe the affair through Satheesh’s own words.
“I was taking Geetha to Govt Arts college in my auto. She was nothing more than another customer on a busy day. I didn't even know her name. She had come aboard at Mandaveli bus stand and wanted to go to her college in Thambaram. She was in a hurry because it was exam day.
She was completely immersed in her books. Either she was totally unprepared for the exam or completely prepared. She rhythmically chanted the subject matter in her book. Her words had a beautiful tone to it.”
" Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium carbonate-CaCo3
Calcium valency 2+
Calcium valency 2+
Calcium valency 2+ "
“She wasn't the most beautiful looking women. She did not have the most wonderful voice in the world. But I was mesmerized by the rhythmic chant that exuded from her. Perhaps it was the innocence in her words. Mugging up the portions at the last minute like a school-girl. Perhaps it was because she was doing what I never managed to do - study in college. Whatever it was I was lost in her chanting.
I dropped her in college. Lost in her chant, I forgot to ask for money. Lost her in books, she forgot to pay me any money. It was only when I was back in Mandaveli bus stand that I realized I did not receive any money from her. I had no idea as to how I came to Mandaveli from Tambaram. I was driving sub consciously because my mind was full of her rhythmic chant.
A few days later, I saw her again at Mandaveli Bus Stop. I was hoping that she wanted an auto. I wanted her to wave out for me. I rode the auto slowly waiting for that magical wave of the hand.
“If she waves at me then truly there is something between us,” I thought.
She waved. Slowly, at first. Followed by a furious wave off her hand.
I was absolutely delighted. The kind of joy you see on a small child’s face. Innocent and playful. I had no doubt that there was something between us.
That was till I saw a motorbike overtake me. She smiled at the boy in the motorbike. She got onto the bike and off they went. My auto came to a stand still.
The next time I saw her, she did get into my auto. She offered to pay me double the amount to compensate for the one time she did not pay me. I refused to accept the money this time.
“Would you take money from your wife,” I thought. I had fallen in love.
She was a B.Sc. chemistry student in her first year. She was a school topper. She had preferred core science to engineering because she wanted to be a scientist. She was smart, intelligent and believed that education was the way to success. We were complete opposites but we were made for each other.
In time, she accepted my love. Lovers have many types of symbols for love. The auto became our love symbol. It had brought us together and it took us around to the romantic spots in Chennai.
We had been dating for a year. I had not told my father about our affair. I was scared that he could say something negative about our love. Due to that, the next day our affair would end. It had been the story of my life so far. He said I will fail and I failed. He said my friends will desert me and they did. He said I will have an accident and I did. I did not want to take any chances with love.
Matters had gotten a little more complicated a week ago. Geetha and I had mutually decided to get married. She had a year to go on her studies. As an auto driver, I could support her during that time. After she graduated, she would find work. We could start a family and live happily.
There was one small problem in the plan. My father. He was the cause of my misery. I was sure that if I could get rid off him I could do wonders. He was like an imaginary tree blocking the road. If I could remove the road block, then the road was mine. Anyway, the house was too small for Geetha and my father. Someone had to leave and it wasn’t going to be Geetha.
Once I had decided to get rid of the old man, I had to work out the logistics. I did not want to kill him or do anything criminal. I wanted to slowly move him out of my life like removing an unwanted piece of furniture. One organization fitted in nicely with the plan - The Little Sisters of the Poor.
It was a lovely summer morning in Chennai. The sun was bright and the sky was the perfect blue. It was the day when I was to execute my plan.
I woke up my father with bed coffee. I had never done that in years. He was happy to have my coffee though it must have tasted terrible.
I took him to the bathroom and waited for him to complete his bath. I dressed him up in his finest. I combed his hair and powdered his face.
He had tears rolling down his checks. “I couldn’t be a happier father,” he said.
“You have been locked at home for too long. I want to take you out to a special place. Do you want to come with me?”
He nodded in excitement. I firmly believed at that moment that the human life cycle is a circle. We begin as a child, become a man and end as a child. In my father I saw the same sparkle you see in a child when you take them outdoors. I took him around Chennai. He recollected his favourite spots from his younger days. I took him to his favourite south Indian restaurant for lunch. He enjoyed every morsel of his food.
In the evening, I took him to the home of the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’. It was the final piece in my plan.
I parked the auto outside the gate. I guided my father to the office of the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’.
A middle aged sister was seated in the office home. The tag on her indicated that her name was Nirmala.
“Sister, I want to talk to you”, I said.
“Go on,” she said.
“Can my father be in the adjacent room?”
She acceded in my request. I left my father in the adjacent room because I didn’t want him to listen to our conversation.
“Sister, I need a favour from you. My father has become an old man. I am an auto driver. I work nearly 18 hours every day to earn a living. As a result, I am unable to spend time with my father. My mother died when I was very young. My father is alone with no one to talk to. I can see him slowly fade away. Due to my work, I cannot spend many hours with him. I don’t want to see his life end this way. At this point in his life, he needs people to talk to. If you could keep him here for a few months, it will be great. I think he will enjoy his time with the other inmates. I can visit him on weekends and will do whatever is financially required of me. Once he is better emotionally, I shall take him home. Please sister, let him live his final days happily.”
“This old age home has a total capacity of 80 people. Right now we have 90 people. We are already over loaded”.
“Please sister, please help my father”
I fell on her feet.
“Only you can help me. Please, please,” I pleaded.
“I understand your agony. But we are over loaded. Where will we accommodate your father? We have no beds. We are working on it, though. Come back after a month. I promise you we shall take him then.”
“Sister I don’t know if we will last one month. He desperately needs other people around him.”
“The lord is great. Your father will be fine. He had a good son in you. Take good care of him. Bring him here after a month.”
“Fine, sister. I shall do as you say. Before I leave, I need one more favour. I have parked my auto outside the gate. I shall go and bring it. Till then can my father stay here? I don’t want to strain him unnecessarily.”
Sister Nirmala nodded her head in acceptance.
I sensed my opportunity. I did not want even a second more of my father. He was the old age home’s headache from this point on. It didn’t matter to me that they were overloaded and did not have a bed for my father.
I went to the auto. I did not turn towards the old age home. Instead, I turned to the right and went towards Govt. Arts college. Geetha was waiting for me there. We were to get married the next day.
I was confident that I had turned over a new leaf. Along with my father I had dumped all the bad luck that had followed me. I thought about everything that had gone wrong in my life because of my father. I thought about the kind of success I could achieve in the life ahead. I could buy another auto in the course of time. With further success, I could buy a string of autos. I would start a ‘call auto’ service to compete with the ‘call taxi’ service. My autos would be available on demand and they would be cheaper. I would build huge mansion. I would have a son and a daughter. They would be highly educated. My son would become a successful entrepreneur. My daughter would be happily married. Geetha and I would grow old together.
I was completely lost in my thoughts. Trapped in my imaginary world, I failed to notice the traffic ahead of me. I entered a one-way road to which I had no entry. A city bus headed straight for me. I did not notice it. I had a head-on collision.
I was in a hospital bed for the next two months. It took a month for me to regain consciousness. The first thing I saw was bouquet adjacent to my bed.
“A girl called Geetha gave it,” said the nurse.
A letter was attached to the bouquet.
“You are a good man but I am a practical woman. With your leg gone, I don’t see how you can ride an auto again. I don’t think you can work again. Without work you cannot support yourself. Forget a family. I don’t want me to be an added burden to you. Hence we shall part. Take care of yourself. Geetha.”
I lost my right leg in the accident. I also lost my left hand. A classic case of buy one - take one free. I lost all my father’s savings, a sum of one lakh, paying for the hospital bills. I lost my father to the old age home. I lost my love and my auto was damaged beyond repair. In short, I had lost everything. It was the most devastating accident. And my father had not uttered in word about it.
The truth dawned upon me at that moment. My father wasn’t the cause of all my problems. I was the cause of all my problems. I had failed because I was screwed inside my lead. My father was the reason why there was atleast a little sanity in my life. He was the reason for my respectable living. He was the reason for whatever little success I had in my life.
All my life I had blamed him for the little failures in life. Without him, I had my biggest failure. I wanted him back in my life.
After being discharged from hospital I went to the ‘Little Sisters of the Poor’. I wanted to bring my father back. He was my lucky charm. He was the only love in my life. I desperately wanted to see him again. I went inside the office room and met sister Nirmala. She delivered the shocking news.
My father had died two days ago. Until his final breath he had hoped that I would return to see him. But I had deserted him. The sisters had cremated him in the electric crematorium the previous day. They had not even preserved his ashes.
I requested sister Nirmala to take me into the old age home. I was a handicapped man without a penny in hand. I sought refuge in the tender love of the sisters.
“You are a young man with much to live for. You have only lost a leg. Not your heart. Go out and see the world. Come when you have aged. I shall take you with open arms,” said sister Nirmala.
I took my crutches and walked to an auto. I went to my lonely house. I paid whatever money I had to the auto driver. I fell short by 10 rupees. He was kind enough to understand.
I did not have an education. I could not get a desk job. I could have become a carpenter and learnt a skill. I was too arrogant to do that. My auto was destroyed beyond repair. I could not afford another auto. I had no money and work.
As a result, I became a beggar I have been beggar ever since.”
“I met your father a week before he died,” I told Satheesh. He was surprised to hear the news.
“How do you know about him?”
“I usually visit the old age home every month. The sisters told me about your father. I met him.”
“How was he? Did he speak about me?” Satheesh’s voice rose.
“He was weak. He spoke only about you. He repeatedly said that his son had gone to bring the auto. He will be back any time soon.”
“And I never came back. I ditched him” Satheesh’s voice dropped and he frowned.
“I made a promise to your father that day. I said that if I find you I would bring you back to him. Today, he is no more. I shall do the next best thing. Do you want a job?’
“Yes, of course”, said Satheesh, his face brightening up.
“Make, no mistake. I am doing this for your father. I am a writer. I need an assistant to handle my phone calls and do research work for my novels. From today, you shall be my assistant. I shall pay you a starting salary of Rs.4,000 per month. Happy?”
Satheesh closed his eyes and folded his arms. He tilted his head to the heavens and sent a prayer upward.
“Father, I never realized your worth when you lived. But even after you died, you continue to help me from the heavens. I have never thanked you. I know you can hear me from the heaven. Thank you for everything. May you always rest in peace,” said Satheesh.
I added “Amen”.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Based on a true story I heard on that beautiful day at the Little Sisters of the Poor.
3 comments:
touching.....
very nicely written.
hey suraj....awesome job!!! was craving to read one of ur storis..and chanced upon ur blog ;) keep me updated..hope als good wid u..
wow!!! why haven you written more about "the day at the little sisters of the poor" ?? and why is this the only post here..you should write more here :)
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